


Bloopers

by Hereisthere_gg



Series: Miraculous Crack [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Film AU, no singing, unless its for memeness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9062791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisthere_gg/pseuds/Hereisthere_gg
Summary: "In the daytime, I'm Narni-I mean,""Oh my God, try again." "In the daytime, I'm Marinette-Adrien what the fuck.""I had to, I had to. Don't judge me.""Ugh, now we gotta start all over! Take it from the top!" In which...you get it.





	1. Part One; Nino Strikes Back

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas!!
> 
> Was literally brewing and trying to write this for over a month

Ahh, day one. Full of hopes and dreams of successful filming. Nino could feel it, coursing through him.

 

"Hey, go long!"

 

He groaned, held his face in his hands. Maybe not as successful as he thought.

 

"Ahh, man! Missed!"

 

"Ha!"

 

Definitely not.

 

"Alya, Adrien, get your asses up here. We have a film to film, in case you forgot."

 

"Yeah." Ah, Marinette. This girl and Adrien were saints. They are so made for each other. "We have to start early, iron out the scenes and such."

 

"Yeah, yeah." Adrien rolled his eyes. "I'm coming."

 

"Woah, moody teenager much?" Alya laughed, catching up with Nino. 

 

"You know me too well."

 

* * *

 

"I'm telling you, Marinette needs the bread in her mouth." Adrien looked completely serious, despite the nature of the conversation. "For the anime effect."

 

"No," Marinette said. She rolled her eyes, flipping through her script. "I really don't." She rolled it up and tapped Adrien's hair. "Why are you so obsessed with the anime effects. We already added magical anime transformations," she counted them off on her fingers. "The super bad guy, the magical companions," and she fixed him with a sidelong glare. "And my apparent _shoujo-like_ crush on you, which does not fit me _at all_."

 

"And yet so perfectly, Bugaboo." He tweaked her pigtails. "It will work." He grinned mischievously at her. "It _was_ my idea, after all."

 

Alya laughed, rolling in a camera with Nino. "Keep your ego in check, dude!"

 

"What ego?" He looked appalled. "I am saying nothing but the truth!"

 

"Dude's right though," Nino scrolled through something on his phone. "I honestly think that anime references will raise ratings. People love anime."

 

"Yeah," Marinette rolled her eyes. "For the small number of Parisians that actually watch anime, never mind the number if people that are actually going to see the dang thing-forget about the people that will actually care-"

 

The look that Adrien gave her was so blank that it actually almost scared her. 

 

"What are you referring to?" He asked, emerald eyes boring into her own bluebell ones. She forgot about being scared for a moment. 

 

"Anime," she said, putting a hand on her hip. "I mean, I don't think anyone will care that much about the references, you know?"

 

She regretted her answer when Adrien was completely silent and still for a moment. Then two. Then three. 

 

A minute and thirty seconds had passed of Adrien doing nothing but staring directly at her.

 

He then rolled his shoulders and acted like he never heard her. "So when are we gonna start shooting, Nino?"

 

"Dude," Nino shook his head. "Marinette, you broke him for like two minutes."

 

"I did not-"

 

"You so did," Alya chipped in. "If you want to stay in a relationship with him, never mind live, you must never talk shit about anime. Ever." She pointed at Marinette. "And because I care about you, I suggest you don't."

 

Marinette feared for her life.

 

* * *

 

"In the daytime, I'm Marinette-Adrien, stop dancing."

 

"But father I must dance."

 

Alya laughed. "Good lord, someone shut the memelord up!"

 

* * *

 

"In the daytime, I'm Marinette. A normal girl, with a normal life. _And a dumb ass shoujo crush on this rich ass model_ -"

 

Nino groaned and Adrien almost died laughing. Alya softly shook her head, grinning. 

 

Nino took his hat off and rubbed his head, looking much older than he actually was. "Try again. Everyone, shut up and let Marinette do her lines!"  He pointed a finger at Marinette. "Do your lines!"

 

* * *

 

"In the daytime, I'm Marinette. Just a normal girl with a normal life. But there's something about me that you don't know yet."

 

"Because it's a secret." Alya muttered, low so the microphone wouldn't pick her up. But Adrien laughed, and that was picked up.

 

"Adrien," Nino threw his hat off. Adrien briefly felt sorry for the hat. "Stop it with the hilarity or you're outta here."

 

"To where?" He asked, an eyebrow raised in challenge. "I am very needed as the hot spoiled rich kid and half of the four-way love square."

 

"We can get another blonde." Nino said. "Felix?"

 

"I said hot."

 

Alya laughed. "That is such a low blow."

 

Marinette nodded. "I'm telling Felix."

 

* * *

 

"In the daytime, I'm Marinette. A normal girl, with a normal life. But there's something about me that you don't know yet. Because I have a secret."

 

It was then that Adrien launched into the theme song, but because it was when Marinette was done, Nino was okay with it. He could just edit it out.

 

"Hallelujah." He muttered. "Everyone, get your asses out of here, I am done."

 


	2. M E M E S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm actually dying."
> 
> "Nuu, bino, bud." Adrien feigned sadness. "Don't die on meh dood."
> 
> Nino snapped back to life. "I'm disowning you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an absurd amount of flower puns, and yes, he did dress up like that just for the pun-tentional
> 
> And is anyone with me that Adrien is THAT GUY, who just randomly pants' people? No? Okay

Nino knew it was going to be hell the minute Adrien skipped in with flowers weaved into elaborate braids and a flower basket, throwing flower petals everywhere, the whole look finished with a hot pink tutu and ballet slippers, ribbons twining up over the jeans he was wearing.

 

_What._

 

"Flower you today?" He asked Nino, grinning like the maniac he was. "I might just _petal_ it to the metal today, huh?"

 

Nino couldn't quite process what was happening.

 

"Not making any _scents_?" He threw more petals in his face. "I hope _thistle_ make more!"

 

Nino blinked.

 

"Hey, I have an idea for the-Adrien." Marinette stopped walking and dropped her phone. "Adrien, what in the world."

 

"Don't you mean," He flung more petals. "What in _carnation_?!" He said, all too eagerly.

 

"I am deeply disturbed." She said, unmoving. 

 

"I hope _thistle_ make you feel better!" He flung more petals. When will he run out, nobody knows.

 

"Hey Marinette, I got the-Adrien." Alya froze in her tracks, blinking. "Adrien. What has gotten into you."

 

"Nothing _ovary_ suspicious. Yes that is a flower part, I looked it up."

 

"Oh my God," Nino finally uttered. "Oh my God. Why. You are doing me a discomfort."

 

"I hope you aren't too _pistil_ off!"

 

"That was terrible." Marinette muttered. "They're all terrible," Alya muttered back.

 

Nino slowly sat down. "I'm dying," he said, laying down. "I'm actually dying right now."

 

"Nuu, bino, bud." Adrien feigned sadness, going to his side and dropping the basket. "Don't die on meh dood."

 

Nino snapped back to life. "I'm disowning you."

 

Adrien suddenly grabbed the basket and flipped it over Nino's head. "And I thought this friendship was _blossoming_ into something beautiful."

 

* * *

 

"..." Nino stared at the building as Adrien held the baguette in his hand, motioning to Marinette to take it.

 

He didn't know if he could do this. This memelord was too much.

 

"Take it." He said, shoving the bread at Marinette when kept slapping it away. "Taaaakkkkeeee iiiiittt."

 

Alya pulled on his hair, and he winced. "Come back down here, Green Giant." She muttered. "I'm working here. 

 

"I am too," he shot back. "Taaaaaaaakkkkkkkeeeeee iiiiiiiiiiiitttt-"

 

"Fine!" She snapped, taking the bread and shoving it into her mouth. "Fine! I'll do it to shut you up!" She took the bread and aggressively stomped over to her starting position.

 

"Ouch." He put a hand to his heart.  "The pain."

 

"Stone cold bitch," Alya agreed. "To you, at least."

 

"The feels," he murmured.

 

* * *

 

Nino cupped a hand to his chin in thought. "Do you know that thing?"

 

"What thing?" Marinette asked, eating the now stale baguette.

 

"That thing that you and Adrien can do, with your eyes..." He said. Marinette and Adrien raised their eyebrows.

 

"What thing?" They both asked.

 

"You can contract your eyes." He said.

 

Both blinked. "What."

 

"Your eyes contract when your surprised or something." Alya explained.

 

Nino nodded. "Master that. For comedic affect."

 

"Wait," Marinette shook her head. "Like, my pupil?"

 

"No, like," Nino gestured. "Your whole fucking iris contracts along with it. Scientifically impossible, and yet." He laughed. "Master it for comedic affect."

 

"The whole," Adrien blinked. "Iris."

 

"Yes." Alya nodded. "We need footage of that happening, because it is glorious. I secretly thought you guys were like, aliens because it was so weird."

 

Marinette blinked. "I've been lied to my whole life. I am a freak with tiny eyes."

 

"Well, now they are," Nino said. "Adrien too. Usually they're normal sized."

 

Adrien blinked. "Am I an alien. Are we aliens, Marinette."

 

Marinette furrowed her brows. "I don't think so-"

 

Adrien shook his head. "I've been lied to my whole life."

 

Alya laughed. "I doubt it, though."

 

Adrien whipped his head to her so fast she briefly thought that he would get whiplash. "Why?"

 

"You are too obsessed with memes and anime to not be human." She squinted at Marinette. "I don't know about you, though..."

 

Marinette gawked. "Alya!"

 

"Kidding, kidding!"

 

"I'm still asking my dad about this," Adrien muttered.

 

"Like you actually will," Nino said. 

 

"Hashtag: I'm a liar." Adrien muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Stop talking in hashtags. This isn't tumblr."
> 
> "Hashtag: Marinette is so rude."
> 
> "Oh my God Adrien stop."
> 
> "Hashtag: Can't stop won't stop."
> 
> "I swear-"
> 
> "HASHTAG: CANT STOP WONT STOP-"
> 
> "WHAT THE FUCK-"


	3. eyy its everyones favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bitch????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They might actually work this time around
> 
> Please be warned; there is no actual episode planning????
> 
> I meant for this to be relatively short and sweet and meme-y, and not serious at all. So it's hilarity with plot sprinkled in to make it taste better and to bind it all together, but isn't the focus. The focus is either the sugar, chocolate chips, or icing, whatever you like best
> 
> So with that explained (as if it weren't blatantly obvious.) let's go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And read the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adios!!!!!!!!!!!¡!!!!!!
> 
> (And literally, if anyone needs any kind of inspiration, just go to ml head cannons; lots of interesting shit i dug up for future stories and one-shots)

If Nino thought yesterday was hell, he should tell himself from yesterday to abandon the project _altogether_. Because they, namely Adrien, was not cooperating.

 

He didn't think his best bro would torture him like this, (Memes!!! Puns!!!!! They never end) but apparently he didn't know his best friend.

 

And the fact that he was serious when he said that he had to include Chloe and Sabrina in the theme sequence.

 

Chloe looked around. "You call this a film project?" She asked. "More lights," she squinted at Nino's laptop. "...better green screen effects," she squinted at Marinette and Alya. "And a makeup team."

 

"Not everyone gets a hefty allowance, Chloe," Marinette sighed. "I'm sure that not even you can afford all of that."

 

"Nope!" She said. "But I'll participate. Where are my lines?"

 

"There aren't any," Marinette sighed, rubbing here temples. "It's a theme song. For visuals only."

 

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She said. "What is my character? What is she like? Noble? Generous? Caring and fair to all?"

 

"Try bitchy," Alya supplied, handing her the script. "This Chloe Bourgeois is spoiled rotten to the core-"

 

"Not!" Adrien shouted from the props box.

 

"- _to the core_ and is the worst person to ever exist on this planet-"

 

"Not!" Adrien shouted, looking up from the props box. "The fuck is up between you and Chloe?!"

 

"Nothing!" Alya said. "I'm only saying the truth-"

 

"Chloe dissed on Alya's blog." Nino supplied from behind a camera. "And Alya is very sensitive about her Tumblr."

 

"I will murder you, Bourgeois." Alya hissed. "I'll make it look like a fucking accident."

 

Chloe yawned. "Fire at me, bitch. I'm wide open."

 

Adrien laughed. "This is because of a Tumblr?"

 

Alya whipped her head to him. "Yes. Tumblr is a safe haven for everything me-"

 

"Everything." Marinette nodded.

 

"And if anyone disses upon my sanctuary, they shall be dissed for life."

 

Adrien snorted. "I heard somewhere that no one on Tumblr is straight."

 

"I'm surprised that a meme like you has not discovered Tumblr. And I really haven't met anyone who is."

 

"I hang around IFunny."

 

"Of course you do. Meme city."

 

Nino grunted. "I think IFunny was made for memes."

 

Adrien nodded sagely. "It was." 

 

Chloe scoffed. "Can we please stop talking about internet trends for one moment?"

 

"Never." Marinette supplied, not really interested in memes but said that just to spite Chloe.

 

Adrien blinked. "...the fuck."

 

"What?" Chloe immediately asked. "What's wrong, Adri-"

 

"My ears are missing!" He shouted, clutching his hair. "My ears are missing!"

 

Chloe dropped all concern altogether. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

"My Chat ears!" He said, grinning. "My Chat ears are missing!"

 

Nino sighed in aggravation. "Oh my god, dude."

 

"For real, they're missing! I can't-fucking-find them!"

 

* * *

 

After an hour long extensive search with everyone except Chloe (Because Alya refused to include her.) the precious ears were finally found.

 

"Thank god my hair is so thick and perfect," Marinette mocked in a high voice. "Or else my precious ears would never look good on my perfect head!"

 

"Hey!"

 

"It's what you're thinking," Alya said, redirecting a camera. "Stop fucking lying."

 

"It's so not!"

 

"Why the fuck you lyin'" Nino said from a props box. "Why you always lyin'."

 

"Mmm, oh my god," Marinette said, getting up in his face. "Stop fuckin' lyin'."

 

"Uughh," Adrien said. "I am being attacked with my own memes."

 

"Now you know how we suffer." Chloe said, snapping shut a compact.

 

"Crawling in my skin over here," Adrien grunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "These wounds, they will not heal."
> 
> "Adrien, for god's sake-"
> 
> "I'm right here."
> 
> "Adrien, your ego!"
> 
> "If only it matched the size of his dick-I mean,"
> 
> "Marinette. Savage."
> 
> "Ooooowwwww. The pain. I suffer. I'm for real crawling in my skin now. That was so low, so, so low-"
> 
> "Because it was true?"
> 
> "Oh my fucking god-"


	4. Whyyy?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why a cat."
> 
> "To emphasize how unlucky you think you are." Adrien stroked the cat's fur.
> 
> "But I'm not unlucky. I am a Ladybug, of all things."
> 
> "And yet," He made an 'L' shape with his finger, which she took as him watching too much anime. "You are insanely clumsy. You just trip over your own feet, not the cat." He pulled his fingers through the cat's black fur. "So there isn't any animal cruelty."
> 
> "I hate you, you weeb."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what 
> 
> its canon
> 
> t h a t a d r i e n w a t c h e s a n i m e
> 
> i didnt know it was official!!!

Nino sighed as he brought his hat down over his eyes. Adrien may as well be the director, with how much he was 'suggesting'. Adrien could be bossy when he wanted to be.

 

"Marinette's gonna trip here," he marked the place with a big red 'x'. "And Alya's gonna be the mom friend as Chloe and Sabrina walk by all snotty-like. And I'm gonna come in," He grinned at Marinette, who glared at him with crossed arms. "And the inner shoujo girl will activate, but," He held his finger in the 'L' shape once again and looked at her out of the side of his eyes, intensity on full throttle. Marinette _wanted_ to throttle the nerd. "Chloe will come in and shove you out of the way. You'll flail with amazing spaghetti arms-"

 

"Amazing what." Marinette was not amused. Alya was, though, and barked out a laugh. "Amazing spaghetti arms!"

 

Nino lifted his hat and rubbed at his forehead. "Mr. Director over there?"

 

Adrien raised his eyebrows legendarily high. "Me?"

 

"The director wants to have a word with you."

 

"Wh-oh, you."

 

"Who else could be the director?!" Nino shook his phone. "You know how much I love filming shit!"

 

"I dot know," Adrien shrugged. "Marinette? Alya? I had no idea."

 

Nino groaned.

 

"I am director," He pointed at himself. "You, Adrien, are actor. Actor does not direct."

 

"I'm not," Adrien says, blissfully unaware of his own actions. 

 

Marinette snorts. "I'm seriously questioning your intelligence." 

 

Adrien whipped his head to her. "I'm smart!"

 

"' _I know how to sing several songs in Japanese._ '." Marinette said, faking Adrien's voice. "That doesn't count, Adrien."

 

"At least _I_ know how to do my physics homework!"

 

Marinette's jaw dropped. Alya laughed. "That burn was a very low temperature, but it'll leave a mark."

 

A weird grin crossed Adrien's face for the slightest moment before disappearing completely. But wiping it off was in vain, as everyone saw it.

 

"Dude, what?" Nino asked. "What's so funny?"

 

"Nothing," Adrien shook his head, grin reappearing as weird-looking as before. "My head was in the gutter for a few seconds."

 

Then they realized that the weird grin he had on was not weird, but _perverted_. And it took a very long time to realize what perverted thing he was referring to.

 

"Oh my god, Adrien." Marinette said. "I did not know you were into wax play."

 

Adrien blanched. "I'm not-!"

 

"You are," Nino said, nodding sagely. "You are so perverted."

 

"I'm not! Really-"

 

"Sunshine baby's secretly a huge sinner~" Alya sang, swinging her hips. "Sunshine baby's secretly a huge sinner~"

 

Adrien groaned. "I am not into wax play."

 

"He's right guys." Marinette nodded. "He isn't into wax."

 

Adrien was about to sing her praises when she hit him with this: "He's into bondage."

 

Adrien was so stunned that he could not manage expression at the moment. "I am not. Into bondage." He said, voice completely monotone. "I am not into bondage, Marinette."

 

"I think you broke him," Alya said, attempting to stifle her laughs with her hand. "You've broken him! And we don't have the receipt!"

 

"Nino lost it," Marinette said. Nino, who was examining the Tikki CGI model, turned and threw his hat at her without a word. She caught it effortlessly, and that little bit of skill managed to wake Adrien up.

 

"Why is everyone making fun of me?!" He asked, tears in his eyes. Marinette rolled her eyes and combed her fingers through his hair.

 

"Because you are an adorable dummy who needs to be made fun of," She shrugged. "Plain and simple."

 

"I'm seriously rethinking our relationship."

 

"What relationship? The one in your imagination?"

 

"What? How could my Lady be so rude to me..."

 

"Because your Lady isn't your Lady."

 

Adrien pouted. "I thought what we had was special."

 

"No. No, it wasn't. I don't want any part of you and your huge ego and tiny dick."

 

" _ **Oh my god**_ -"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop making fun of Adriens dick Marinette
> 
> And also
> 
> Why are my funniest jokes dick jokes
> 
> Please tell me why my humor is so low brow
> 
> Why do I suck at jokes 
> 
> I thought i was funny
> 
> But c l e a r l y
> 
> I was mistaken


	5. Card-what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Adrien."
> 
> "Nani? I mean-"
> 
> "Oh dear lord-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's been CardCaptor Sakura binging and it's been rubbing off on him. Someone help him before he starts snacking on pocky-
> 
> Oh
> 
> Oh no
> 
> It's t o o l a t e ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !  
> (Adrien would so cosplay)  
> Fite me

Adrien was completely prepared for the faces that greeted him, which were completely unprepared for what they faced.

"I'm fabulous, no?" He strutted his hips, clad with a tutu-style skirt. Marinette blinked. Alya blinked. Nino blinked.

"I've been assaulted once again," Nino said in monotone. "I give up on life."

"What," Marinette couldn't exactly process what she was seeing. "What. What."

Alya only took out her phone and took a picture. Adrien gladly posed dramatically.

"Adrien. Adrien, Adrien-" Nino could only repeat his best friend's name. He had no Idea. What was happening.

"Nani? I mean,-"

"Oh dear lord," Alya facepalmed, Marinette groaned in pain, and Nino tripped on thin air.

"He's a weeb," Marinette said. "Of the craziest kind."

"Pocky?"

" _I swear to god-_ "

* * *

 

  
So Adrien took the outfit off, almost dying in laughter, and walked out in blessedly normal clothes.

He kept the hat, though. And the staff.

"Adrien. Dispose of it." Nino said, voice still monotone. "I cannot. I cannot."

"You can!" He spun the staff and bonked Nino on the head painfully. "You can! Just believe!"

"Adrien, please," Marinette gave him puppy-dog eyes. "It hurts."

"Anime is bae."

"I thought I was bae?"

"Anime was first bae."

"So she's side chick?" Alya cut in. Marinette and Adrien both choked.

"What-"

"No-"

"How dare-Adrien-"

"I would never-Marinette-!"

"Stop it with the lover's quarrel, alright? We have a fucking show to produce, and we've gotten nothing done!"

"We've gotten something done," Adrien grumbled. Marinette whapped him on the head.

* * *

 

"She swings through Paris like a badass, and then it pans to her and Chat standing embarrassingly close-"

"Never."

"But Marinette-!"

"I'm not kissing you on video!"

"We do it all the time~"

"We-Adrien Agreste, I will kill you."

"Get a room, you guys." Alya dropped the props basket onto the ground. Nino nodded, fixing minute details on the Plagg model. Adrien turned red, and Marinette hit him over the head once again.

"I am not into things like that," Marinette said, unimpressed. "But you are."

"I'm not!" Adrien said. "It was a joke!"

"Mhm. I bet it was."

"Uggh."

"Nasty."

"Get a room!" Alya shouted, leaving for the exit. "Anyway, I'm lacking on memes for my Tumblr, Nino, so I've gotta bounce away from these nerds."

"Let me come with you! Adrien is killing me here."

"Fine. But there is a price~" her voice faded as Marinette fake gagged and Adrien laughed.

"You are into weird things," Adrien's grin was shit eating. "You're the one in bondage."

Marinette's look of contentment turned to something not safe for work in an instant, and Adrien blinked. "I am into... _some things_."

Whaaaat. "Whaaaat." Adrien backed away from an advancing Marinette, grin falling, he was not ready, he was wearing Miku underwear, she would hold that over his head for years-

"Freaky things~" Her look turned sultry, and Adrien.exe has stopped working.

"What," Was all Adrien could utter. " _What_."

He suddenly managed to compute that she was very close, in his face, and his face turned an even brighter shade of red than it already was.

" _And I'm not the one in bondage_." She whispered into his ear. And he

Lost

His

 ** _Shit_**.

Screaming, he pushed Marinette over suddenly and practically flew out of the room, running at a speed that could challenge Usain Bolt. He was not ready. He was not ready.

Marinette laughed, dusting herself off as she rose to a stand.

"Oh, well, this'll be an interesting story to tell our kids."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her phone rang abruptly, and she answered it, confused.
> 
> "Adrien-"
> 
> "KIDS?!?!?!?!" Apparently, he hadn't left the building like she had thought. She laughed again. 
> 
> "Yeah, our kids. You know, when we get married and on our honeymoon night-"
> 
> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is making less and less sense
> 
> I reread the first chapter before posting this and literally thought, "Lol remember when things made sense? Yeah me neither" and proceeded with posting this
> 
> What the fUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien kicks down the door, yelling about something or the other, while Nino rides in on Heelys with YOLO in neon letters all over his shirt, pants, and shoes.
> 
> Adrien produces a chainsaw from nowhere and promptly throws it in a random direction, still looking pissed as all hell, still yelling. Nino glides around the room, completely silent aside from Nyan Cat blaring from his headphones.
> 
> Marinette falls to her knees and curls into a ball. Alya trips Nino before doing the same.
> 
>  
> 
> It's two in the morning what the fuck
> 
>  
> 
> (EDIT AT A MORE REASONABLE TIME: Wow am I strangely literate at two in the morning hahah lol)

Adrien is pissed.

For some reason, his father was still being a prick and decided to ban him from sleeping over at Nino's house.

And it's his birthday. _Today._

And he was also bored as hell.

So it was only natural to bring a chainsaw and throw it, despite almost killing Nino, and yell words until only random sounds came from his vocal chords, flipping tables and the like.

(You know. The usual shit you keep in your head when something you hate happens. This is what happens in your head. Don't lie.)

While he screamed "Why U Gotta Be So Rude" by Magic(????) at the top of his lungs, reaching volumes any normal human could only dream of achieving, Marinette also began screaming.

He whipped his head to her so fast she was sure he got whiplash. "WhY ArE YyUOU SsScCreEamMiNgG???!!!!!!!!" Is the English translation of what he shouted, and Nino was 80% sure it was some sort of demonic incantation, still gliding around the room with his Heelys. Alya, poor Alya, decided to intervene.

"Adrien," She said. "Chill, bruh. What has got you so worked up-"

"WwAáKęéë MĒÈ ÜÛP-"

Okay. Well, then. Alya gathered the traumatized Marinette and promptly made her escape, while Nino silently glided after her. Adrien screamed and destroyed and threw random shit for four more hours before fainting. The studio had several little fires in it, in seven little neat, orderly, green fireplaces before he did, though.

* * *

 

  
"You _what._ "

"Okay, so maybe there was a reason he isn't allowed to spend the night over at my house. But he insisted-"

"You don't give-Adrien-!" Alya rubbed her temples. "The boy rivals the speed of _cheetahs_ when he gets a _sugar high._ You gave him an _illegal energy drink-_ "

"Yeah, but-"

"Not just one, I may add!" Alya continued. "But you fell asleep, and he finished _five whole boxes of them._ The normal dose is less than half of a bottle, and he finished _five whole boxes of them._ Nino, this kid could have radioactive superhuman abilities and it's _your fault._ "

Nino chanced a grin. "That would actually be pretty cool."

Alya gave him a flat look. "I'm breaking up with you."

"But we were never together!"

"And this is why. I didn't want to take any chances, and it payed off. How long until the poison wears off?"

Nino made a sound that could only be described as "idfk" and Alya sighed again.

"Great," She muttered, picking Marinette up once again. "Now we go searching."

* * *

 

  
Adrien woke up.

On a roof.

One look onto the ground below, though, and he knew where he was.

On the top.  
Of the Arc De Triomphe.

 _The people below were little ants,_ he thought as he looked down. _And I am the great giant above, ready to smash them beneath my orange sneakers._

He put a foot down. Cars were smashed, a cat yowled loudly in his ear, and people were suddenly clouds and sunshine.

He waved and they blew away in the breeze his now gigantic hand created. Weird.

_Weird..._

* * *

 

 "Great," Alya groaned as Adrien slowly set his foot down, yowling quietly, not unlike a cat. "Now he's hallucinating. Nino, because of your idiocy, our ray of sunshine now has lost over half of his brain cells."

"He hasn't lost _that_ many-"

"I am the giant," Adrien said quietly. "And these are my dogs-turned-ants. They shall obey me and I shall do as they utter. Cow udders will rain from the sky as I extinguish the neverending flames of sausasage Uchihr and he shall be the clow card of the Nine Tailed Floppfin."

Nino blinked. "I was mistaken."

"What do we do?!" Alya suddenly cried. "Marinette is traumatized, Adrien may as well be brain dead... _his dad will **kill us**._ " She pulled at her hair. " _Oooh_ , we're dead. It was a nice run, Nino, wasn't it?"

"No," Nino, suddenly determined, said. "No, it isn't."

"How?" Alya asked. "Because if he doesn't kill us himself he'll sue us and our families to hell."

"True, true." He nodded. "But! How about we get out of this mess the same way we got in?"

"You're an idiot. You're even more brain dead than-"

"Aolphins will conquer the Milky-droneda," Adrien continued, doing some strange dance that Nino was 75% sure would summon rain. Or a natural disaster. Or a meteor. Or aliens. "And fishies will fly through our television _screeeennnnssss~_ "

"...nevermind..." Alya sighed. "What the fuck else do we have to lose?"

"The rest of his brain."

"Don't _even_."

* * *

 

"Okay, five more boxes." Nino grunted as he set them down. "Here."

Alya unlocked and opened a closet door, and quickly his behind a crate, next to Nino. Adrien was attempting to spin a broom in the small space, but stopped immediately upon sight of the drinks.

He took one step. Then two.

And the Nino and Alya watched in some kind of awe as he literally glided over to the crates, not even taking a step as he was suddenly in front of the boxes and ripping them open, muttering was Nino was 60% sure a Russian folk tune.

He downed one in record time. Then two. And the two at once. It continued, and Alya and Nino could only watched in awe once again as Adrien downed 100 bottles of illegal energy drink.

He blinked. And burped, rather loudly. Alya and Nino waited with bated breath.

"...I'm seeing sound..." He muttered. "...and..." He flexed his hand. "...confusion..."

What seemed to be a force field suddenly exploded from the blonde, and he blinked again.

Alya held her face in her hands as Nino gave her the deg deg face. "You know you want it," He whispered, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yeah, sure, whatever..." She muttered. "Watch him, not me."

Adrien stood slowly, and turned to face them.

"What the hell happened?" He blinked again, and confusion dawned. "What the hell happened?! What in god's name happened?!?!"

"I don't know, dude," Nino stepped forward, out from behind the crate as smoothly as if he were never there. "You were kinda out of it."

"All I remember is spending the night at your house, and..." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Cars were turkey houses?"

"What?"

Adrien shook his head , perplexed at his own memories. "I don't even."

"Me neither."

* * *

 

Forgotten, Marinette shook in a corner, what was seen unable to be unseen. Adrien was truly a horrifying sight, and his expression when talking to her in that state would always be plastered on the backs of her eyelids.

Adrien held out a hand, and smiled. "You okay? I've been told that my actions for the past day have been rather...strange."

Marinette nodded, still rocking. Adrien tilted his head. "What've you got there?"

"The souls of the innocent." She said, to scare him away. He shrugged.

"I was pretty sure I had one foot into Limbo a few minutes ago, so."

"I need a few days to recover. I am going to have nightmares and not sleep ever again."

Nino groaned. "Now how are we gonna do the show?!" He asked, asking his hat off and scrubbing his face.

In sync, Alya and Adrien both slapped Nino into oblivion.


End file.
